So what do I like? I like to buy a Chef Boy R D pizza mix, and add extra parmesan cheese. I usually use a Jiffy crust mix instead on the one in the mix.
And so it was that I decided to do that today. I mixed the crust per package instructions. Added 1/2 C water. That was too much water, even though the box called for that. OK. I got out a second Jiffy crust mix. Etc. I took out my pizza pan, a heavy cast iron thing. It was a rusty disaster. Well, it's a nuisance anyway. I'll use an oven dish. I prepared an oven dish, greasing it, and spreading the not so great dough. The instruction said put it in the oven for around 3 minutes. Well, OK. It didn't say what temperature. ?? Well, OK. I put it in the oven and turned it on to 400º. After a few minutes I took it out. It was stone cold. ??
Well.....Okaaaaay.... I tried again, and soon realized that the oven wasn't working. ??? Thinking about it, it could have something to do with running out of gas recently. The guy that filled the tank had checked the gas appliances, and I pointed out the stove. Hmmm..... I thought he had said it worked. In fact, right now, the only thing that works on the entire stove is one of the burners. ONE burner. Uno. It has four. I have a giant hot plate. Fine.
I also have a toaster oven, which is what I use all the time. Assuming it's working. But my oven dish was too large for it, so I transferred the dough into two smaller dishes. OK. This meant making two smaller pizzas. Cheesh.
I made pizza number 1 at 425º for 23 minutes. First I baked the crust for 4 minutes, and then put on the pizza sauce and parmesan cheese and cooked for 23 minutes. Hmmm.... It didn't look done. Then I broiled it for five minutes. It looked fair. So I started eating it.
I would say it was the worst pizza I ever ate but sadly, this is not true. What was the first worse pizza I ever ate? Well, when I was in the Army, the mess hall actually didn't serve us food. Did you want peas? You were given six peas. Did you want anything else? Have a glass of milk. I never did that because I don't like milk, at all. One day the dinner was pizza. We were given a soda cracker with a brush of catsup and a curl of grated cheese on top. And milk for those that were still hungry. I am not exaggerating. One of the men that worked in the kitchen reported to the authorities that the food for the troops was being sold and the troops weren't being fed. He was given a dishonorable discharge. My father heard about this, all the way in Atlanta, and said to me, "You know the mess hall wasn't stealing the troops' food. They would be sent to Leavenworth!" Oh? I'm surprised the informant didn't wind up murdered. Did anyone else dare to report them? No way. No, they just continued to make the worst pizza ever conceived by man.
So the pizza I made was not as bad as that. The crust was gummy. I would say the crust recipe had been altered over the last time I made it, because I don't remember any pre cooking it in the past. And gummy or not, it tasted like cardboard. The sauce was good, I guess, but it's hard to say what it tasted like when it was on top of cardboard. The parmesan? Not sure there. Kraft would have been better, but I'm sure this pizza was beyond any rescue.
What a disaster. What will I do about the stove? I already didn't like this stove. I remember pointing out to the gas company that the knobs turn on when they aren't supposed to, and fill the house with gas. I guess I'll get another stove before the house blows up. I'm a little surprised that something this dangerous is allowed on the market. This is a Hotpoint stove. I used to think they made good quality.
I don't think I'll ever eat any more pizza.
Oh, before I go, yesterday was a pickled egg disaster. What I going on??
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