Stoves Crossing the River Styx

                                               My current stove       Kenmore model 790


I wish stoves could be tortured.  This product of the netherworlds would pay for its evil.  What has it done?  Besides a lot of minor trickery, like the knobs refusing to stay on the stove, and one burner not working at all, it has now started making a loud alarm type beep non stop.  Furthermore, it has locked me out of the oven.  I'm getting hungry because I haven't been able to make dinner for a week.  I'm trying not to panic.  Repairs?  Why would I indulge this instrument of torment with repairs?  I am absolutely certain that if I could use the oven it would burn the house down.   And the stove laughs at me with this digital alarm! 

Clearly, I'm going to be replacing the stove.  I even considered a campfire outside with a giant cauldron on a tripod.  I knew a home that had such a setup.  I thought it was cool.  I'm an expert at starting fires, since I was a firebug as a little girl.  Each day after school I hurried off to my secret campfire in the woods and built a little fire.  Why?  Well, I liked my little rock that I sat on and all the beauty around me, and a fire to keep my hands warm in the cold weather.  What age was I?  Eight.  

At around the same time, Santa left me a baby stove for Christmas. At first I wasn't interested.  Then I realized that it could make cookies.  Everything changed.  I fell in love with all things cooking.  I had a beautiful tiny sewing machine too, and made myself a little apron with it.  

But the years have thrown me a curve ball in the form of what now passes for stoves.  As the days turned to months, and the months to years, a darkness fell on the stoves of the land, until someone invented the crock that is in my kitchen now.  Not satisfied to merely stop intriguing people with the art of cooking, manufacturers have made it dangerous to impossible, and endlessly vexing.  

Where did the mischief begin?  Well, cutting quality corners.  Flimsy knobs, etc.  Then everything went digital.  Ha ha! Checkmate cooks of the world!  Go back to your little campfires.  If it weren't for the digital controls on this hellcat, I could probably at least turn on the stove.  But then I learned that the insulation has somehow come out of the stove.  It is a self cleaning model, but if I tried to use that feature, I was warned that the 800º temperature would likely cause a fire because of the lack on insulation.  Using the stove in the first place made the kitchen about 350º, not just the stove.  Oh, but don't worry!  350º probably wouldn't cause a fire!  

And so I've been shopping.  First of all, I want a gas range.  Second, I want no digital controls whatsoever.  This is a rarity these days.  Whose idea was the digital control of cooking?  It is a playground of demons.  There will be no more digital laughter from stoves for me!  

Now I seem to be in dangerous territory.  How many non digital stoves have I located?  Three.  Well, three is better than nothing.  One by GE, one by Hotpoint, one by Amana.  Why just three?  Apparently not that many people have thought this through.  I'm trying not to rush my selection so I can research thoroughly.  In the end, I'll have to dive in though.   I'll let you know how I navigate these treacherous waters. 

Stay tuned.