Mayo Rebellion

I tried to make mayo today.  I am exhausted now, yet I have no mayo.  I have a container of nightmares.  

Unlike other mayo nightmares, I decided to attempt to fix this broken mayo.  I studied all the thoughts of mayo experts.  They said it was easy.  There were a couple of basic methods.  They all involved digging your grave deeper and deeper.   

One thing that I did differently is to use a new gelatin, because I ran out of the old one.  I bought the same brand, but was it the same?  It was in a new container design.  And when I mixed it up in water and drank it, it tasted different.  And a little worse.  Nah.  How could gelatin ruin mayo?  I double checked the recipe.  Well, I had done exactly what the recipe said to do.  OK, now I know why the site I got this recipe from took it down.  It's unpredictable.  

I made a second recipe.  The same fiasco happened.  

Now I was into this for four cups of expensive oil, one quart!  I began adding egg.  Blending.  By the time this was at the bitter end and I threw it away, one dozen eggs had followed the oil to nowhere, never to return.  It reminded me of using too much vinegar, except I used the same same same amount of vinegar as before.  I would put this out for some animal to eat, except even starving wild animals won't eat this.   They'll hiss at me and then scratch my eyes out.  

I'll be eating Hellman's mayo for a while.