Once there was a little boy named Baron who loved butterflies. He spent all his days as a child chasing butterflies with a net all over the hills and fields of the town he lived in. At night he dreamed of butterflies. He had a huge collection of the dear little things and would take out his collection and recollect the glad times he had had in the sunshine chasing butterflies.
When Baron grew up, he became a geneticist and was very successful. He continued to love butterflies and used his income to flit about the world in search of more and more butterflies, traveling to exotic lands.
He added to his collection, and also was well read in the subject of butterflies. One day he read about butterflies long ago with six foot wing spans which existed in the days of the dinosaurs. Well, he couldn't let it go. It was all he would think about. He must have a butterfly with a six foot wing span.
Butterfly fossil found in 1887 in Colorado from Eocene Epoch
So Baron, with his passion for butterflies, turned his talent to somehow having a gigantic butterfly. Yes, he knew what he must do. He took the DNA from the larger of the butterflies he had collected, and spent all his spare time propagating large butterflies in a butterfly nursery. Never had he felt so alive! Butterflies were everywhere and they were getting bigger and bigger. The colors! Spectacular!
Richard Wagner - Ride Of The Valkyries - YouTube
The butterflies continued to grow larger. With love and nurturing in the butterfly nursery the magic happened until one day the magnificent butterflies achieved a wing span of six feet, just like Baron had dreamed of. He was beside himself with joy. But then, he had many giant butterflies and they needed to flap their wings somewhere. He knew what he must do. So he made a butterfly buggy and harnessed a thousand butterflies to it. Baron climbed on board as the pilot of the butterfly buggy and he and the butterflies flew away and traveled the land way up high in the sky, drifting here and there like snowflakes. It was so pretty a sight, as if it could not be. Until. Until one inevitable day the butterflies got loose and began to breed in the wild.
One can easily imagine the havoc that massive butterflies sailing over the skies of America caused. They were prolific breeders and soon were quite common sights all over the country. They migrated in the fall, following the path of the Monarch butterfly, possibly due to their partial Monarch heritage. They migrated to Catalina Island and invaded Mexico to winter. That went over like a lead balloon. The dogs were horrified of them, although the huge butterflies were very gentle. Yipping was heard throughout North and Central America. They made a nuisance of themselves. The news media speculated about where they could have come from. Experts were brought in to shows like Fake the Nation to discuss the butterfly immensity issue. Conspiracy theorists posited that the radioactive fallout from Fukushima had caused a mutation. Some averred that it was merely rascally teenagers flying kites. And there was some truth to this because the jokesters did start making and flying giant butterfly kites and fooling people with them. UFOlogists insisted that they were aliens from outer space. A few thought they were demons. Baron was keeping quiet about his role in the fiasco. The butterflies crushed flower beds in their quest for nectar. They were mistaken for small aircraft by aviation officials. Too, they were a traffic hazard.
The butterflies were so large that they were able to whisk away small animals like kittens and puppies, and they sometimes did so, not to harm them, but because they thought they were cute and wanted to play. Butterflies aren't highly intelligent.
Then one day a giant blue butterfly was on the ground, resting and slowly fanning his wings, sunning himself and thinking about flowers. A small child climbed on his back and the butterfly flew away with the little boy. The tot, about three, was thrilled with the ride and the butterfly was enjoying it too. As they sailed away, the child's mother shrieked, "My baby! My baby! The butterfly took my baby!"
The nation became alarmed at the butterfly "terror" and all the police and military in the land began to discuss measures to bring the butterfly crime spree to an end. The decision was to call out the air force and equip all the air force fighter jets with enormous butterfly nets. Away they flew on sorties to chase butterflies and apprehend them in their nets.
Soon all the miscreant butterflies were rounded up and put in jail cells with shackles on their ankles. They took their nectar cups and constantly rapped on the bars of their cells, demanding more nectar. The toddler was freed from the butterfly menace and returned unharmed to his mother. However, ever after that he would flap his arms as if he were trying to fly away.
Eventually a deal was struck with a small island nation in the South Pacific whose principle crop was sugar cane. They would feed the butterflies sugar from the sugar production. To make feeding time happier, they made enormous, colorful artificial flowers and put wells in them containing sugar water. Baron was soon tied to the butterfly event and asked to go to the island to supervise butterfly welfare, being given the title, Director of Butterfly Affairs. And they made butterfly buggies and hitched up thousands of butterflies to the butterfly buggies, and took tourists for rides. The new tourist attraction was a success, bringing tourists from around the world to see the magnificent butterflies soar overhead and to ride in the butterfly buggies. The island became exceedingly wealthy, and the people had to learn to be untainted by prosperity. And everyone lived happily ever after.
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