The Turpentine Cure

In olden times I have heard that people used turpentine as a remedy.  A remedy for what?   Everything it seems.  Yeast infection?  Germs? Turpentine.  Rash?  Parasites? Turpentine.  Tumor?  More turpentine.  The obesity epidemic?  Caused by lack of turpentine.  It was all very simple.  

For some reason Amazon steered me to this bottle of turpentine, which their algorithm thought might interest me.  I was curious about why that happened, and read the product description.  It said it was a great paint thinner or something.  Then I read the comments.  Hundreds of people claimed this cured every imaginable condition, such as varicose veins.  Really?  

I had a rash and bought a bottle to try it out.  It seemed to me like I then had an adrenal rush.  I had thought of taking "some" internally, since everyone thought that even if you didn't think so, we all have parasites and if you had any problems at all it was due to the parasites.  The solution?  Turpentine.  And everyone's grandmother used to take it.  

I read the label.  "Harmful or fatal if swallowed."  Well, how much did these jokers take?  There was no information on the label, that's for sure.  

I set the poisonous bottle aside.  Then eventually I somehow started to see videos on Youtube about the medicinal uses of turpentine.  I think the first one I was steered to was Dr. Jennifer Daniels.  Then a multitude of other people posted videos on it.  They all said don't take more than a teaspoon.  A teaspoon?  Also, they said put the teaspoon of turpentine either on a tablespoon of sugar or in a few tablespoons of castor oil.  

All of these dear souls went through a host of wonders that happened when they did this.  It seemed to be a ticket to internet glory to post a photo of a parasite that came out.  Did they do it once? Oh, dear me, no!  Some said every day for four days.  Some said twice a week.  Some said they did this for 28 days.  One person said they did this for three days and got very ill, very ill indeed.  Another said they did this for three weeks and developed intestinal damage that lasted for months and caused insomnia.  They warned not to do it for more than two weeks.  I found that to be an odd warning from someone in his circumstances.  Even Dr. Daniels warned that the "die off" of germs and parasites could be tough.  And oh, btw, she sternly warned to only use pure 100% gum spirits.  "From virgin pine forests?" I wondered.  

So then what?  I decided to hold my breath and close my eyes and take a drink.  I took 1/2 teaspoon on top of a tablespoon of sugar, followed by a drink of water.  Supposedly it's best on top of sugar because candida loves sugar, and sugar acts as a bait.  It went down easier than I expected. 

It's been two hours.  Did I feel funny?  A little.  I'm still alive.  So we'll see.  They said to expect diarrhea and that this is a great purge.  OK.