The Fowl of the Air

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7WUoS561E4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cs2j8f7H2WY

Suppose one day the birds figured out exactly what was going on.  Especially domesticated ones.  Yes, I refer to geese, also to ducks, turkeys and chickens.  And game birds also. 

One day, they were all able to communicate to each other that these little cages, or barnyards, were not ending well for them.  Those hatchets....what did we do with those?  

And then, they decided to rise up and put a stop to it.  They would start with intimidation.  Like calling in the middle of the night.  First, heavy breathing.  Then, "cockadoodledoo!"

We're out at "Chickens Are Us" getting a nice piece of fried chicken, when we notice chickens massing outside the door.  They rig up the car and drive it away.  Hey! 

They hire lawyers and sue us for frivolous things and unfrivolous things. 

When they see that these tactics aren't working, they get tough.  Bird armies form and declare war. 

We huddle in our homes in fear.  What to do?  I know, divide and conquer!

We put up signs saying, "Turkeys eat free!" And the turkeys get their corn.  They break ranks.  Turkeys are special.  The chickens get together.  It's not about them getting their corn.  It's about their chicks getting their corn.  The ducks feel the same way, and so do the geese, who have been the most aggressive and vocal of the bird war, hissing, and flapping and biting people. 

OK, we extend our offer of corn to all fowl of the edible ilk.  Some of them feel that this is victory over the oppressor and they have been heard.  Others are suspicious, refusing to cave.  They become even more aggressive in their efforts.  Some "suicide birds" fly into jet engines.  All sorts of mischief. 

We begin to arrest errant birds, putting them up in birds jails.  Oh, the squawking that is heard from bird jail.  Chained by their ankles, they take their little cups and rattle them on the bars, crying out, "Guard! Guard! Squawk!"  We are bright enough to cut their communication lines from other birds, execute them, and take them down to Chickens R Us. 

The rebellion falls apart. The birds are given propaganda about how silly it is to believe the vicious untruths told by some birds on the extreme fringe.  They had it good in the barnyard!

Still, there are reports of attacks here and there.  But the war is over.  These are just bird crazies.  We start to convince the rest of the birds to put them in their place.  Let peer pressure take care of it.  Some of the more outspoken birds band together and form the Society for the Betterment of Birds.   There are other noble groups such as the Nestling Scouts, the Ducklings of the Revolution, and The Feather Guild.  The gist of it is to encourage good birds to peck on not so good birds.  Classes on pecking become popular.  

The cockadoodledoos in the middle of the night start to disappear.  We celebrate with fried chicken.